Responsibility Sucks.

I'm semi-depressed at the moment. And it is for a somewhat stupid reason, but just because I have to be responsible doesn't mean that I have to like it or be very mature about it.

Back up to November 2007. Wait, back up a little further, first. I have 2 children, 2 beautiful wonderful children that I lovingly carried for 9+ months in my womb, letting them feed off of my body. Kinda like leeches, if I really stop to think about it. In order to show me their gratitude and remind me forever that I had, in fact, carried them, they tore my body up. Apparently, if you gain somewhere around 60 pounds (each time, I might add) and have the same genes as my grandmother, well, kiss your cute little 18 year old body good-bye. Stretch marks, extra skin, yucky boobies, all of that, you will be blessed with. Did I know this? No, because my mother is a mutant, and came through all 3 of her pregnancies with 2, yes 2, itsy bitsy teeny weeny microscopic stretch marks. No extra skin, no boobies down to her belly button, nothing. So I thought, somewhat mistakenly, that my genes would be slightly more similar to hers.

Fast forward to November 2007. After several years of moping about, bitching about what our leeches children had done to my body, husband decided that I had definitely earned some much needed repair. Off to the plastic surgeons office we went. He poked, prodded, lifted, measured and molded until I thought my husband might explode. After all, husband was sitting right there the whole time Mr. Doctor was lifting and all. But he maintained his composure, and even laughed at me standing there in my paper gown and socks, freezing my ass off. Once fully redressed we headed into his office. While waiting for him, we played with the implants that were lying on the table just asking to be squeezed. Just before I could attempt to throw them at husband like a water balloon, Mr. Doctor walked in. We went through before and after photos of other women who had had the same procedures I was interested in and asked and answered questions. No, they won't pop if you throw them like a water balloon, by the way. Full of information and on cloud nine after seeing photographic evidence that we could repair the damage wrought by grandmas genes, we headed into his office managers office, supposedly to go over financing options and what not. That is where they dropped the quote on us. $17,000.00.

$17,000.00! $17,000.00? $17,000.00. Doesn't matter what way you say it, that is beyond an ass load of money. I'm sitting there telling the office manager that it will be awhile before we can come up with that kind of money, even with financing, and husband butts in with, no really, I think that it will happen sooner rather than later. He must still be in awe over the pretty boobies we saw, cause usually he is the frugal one. We get the financing info, the office managers card and tell her we will call once we can come to terms with either the price, or husband forgets just how pretty the boobies were.

For the next week we talk about the cost, both financially and recovery wise, because the work on my tummy would practically incapacitate me for 2 weeks, and leave me very, very whiny for another week or two. Again, husband is adamant that I get this done in the very near future. I decide, well, lets see if getting the financing is even an option. I apply, and lo and behold, they approved us for the full $17,000. WTF? OK, now I'm getting excited. Sure, it means that we'll be a little tighter money wise, but both kids are in school next year, I'll be able to go back to work, which would fix that. So, we decide that spring break 2008 is the perfect time. Kids are out of school, so I don't have to get up to take Ian to school, and Ian would be around to help me with his sister, the dogs, my sweetly worded requests. Plus, that is after tax time. Because we only have one income, plus we have a rental property that is a loss year after year, we always seem to get a tax return. I know that this is an interest free loan to the government, but it also means that we get a surprise at the beginning of each new year. So, we can use some of that to put down on the surgery, to lower the amount financed.

Well, I filed our taxes on Monday. And, the amount we are getting back is ridiculously high. High enough to pay off all but one of our nine credit cards, pay the registration on both vehicles, put back a decent chunk for emergencies and still have a couple hundred to take care of Ian's birthday in February and maybe even have dinner out.

Hmmmm......... Be responsible and debt free, or be selfish with a great rack and flat tummy.

Like I said, responsibility sucks. Once summer hits, I'll be the one by the pool. You'll know it's me by the floppy tummy and saggy boobies.

Shhh, don't tell anyone, but....

...I'll share one of my resolutions with you guys. I haven't even told my husband this one. Don't you feel special?

I want to run in the PF Changs Rock 'N Roll marathon next January.

Ok, maybe not the full marathon. 26.2 miles, not very likely, at least with the shape I'm in right now. Or the shape I'm out of right now. But 13.1 miles in 4 hours? Maybe. Could be very possible, after all, I have a full year to prepare for it.

Now, as to why I haven't told anyone I don't actually know? I'm not positive I can do this, and I don't want to be laughed at, or pushed towards it. I want it to be me, my decision, and that is easier for now as I train with no pressure. The closer I get to the marathon, the more I will know if it is something that I feel I can accomplish (or not). If I feel I can, then I will tell family and friends. Plus, I know that my blog is not a widely read one, it's more for me than anything else. Makes me feel better, anyways.

Is cliche the right word?

And, how do you make the little mark over the 'e'? Sometimes I am so computer illiterate, it's embarrassing. But, to my original point, corny, cliche, whatever you want to call it, our family sat down together last night and went over our goals for 2008.

*as an aside, when I say our family, I mean myself, my husband, our kids, my parents, my step dads ex-wife, 1 of my 2 sisters and 2 of my 3 brothers. Cozy, huh?

It was interesting, to say the least. I also think that it was productive. We were able to discuss with other people we trust just what our goals were, and how we thought we would be able to accomplish them, and ask for help with some. For instance, I want to improve my posture. Both my mother and my step dads ex-wife have offered to point out to me when I am slouching, which will help immensely, since slouching is an ingrained habit at this point that I don't recognize unless I am focusing directly on it. Both my husband and I have typed out our goals and framed them to sit on our desk. This way, I think that I won't be able to sit back in December and wonder just what I have accomplished that I had actually intended to accomplish. I'll even share them here, on my blog, although not all of them, some are very personal and I didn't even share them last night.

2008 1 Year Goals

· Family vacation – California or similar
· Be more patient with the kids
· Take more pictures of my family
· Try new recipes, one per week
· Healthy meals 5x per week
· Pay off Ultimate bill – TV
· Don’t touch the ‘keep the change’ account
· Open a Roth IRA
· Take at least 2 college courses
· Renew real estate license – 24 hours by July 31st
· Undergo surgery
· Work on better posture
· Walk every day, at least 15 minutes, more like 45
· Purge the paperwork build-up
· Check and open mail daily – throw away the junk immediately
· Become more organized, less scatterbrained


2008 5 year goals

· Truck paid off
· Surgery paid for
· Revolving debt paid for and unused
· Associates degree finished
· Have a career in mind – more solid
· Honey moon - cruise or Hawaii (both)
· Rental house sold – November 2009

By the way, I won't call them resolutions. These are goals, things for me to work towards, but in no means am I a failure or have I failed if they aren't accomplished in 12 months. Or so I let myself think!