No, really, this IS my life....

Responsibility Sucks.

2008-01-30T08:34:00.000-08:00

I'm semi-depressed at the moment. And it is for a somewhat stupid reason, but just because I have to be responsible doesn't mean that I have to like it or be very mature about it.

Back up to November 2007. Wait, back up a little further, first. I have 2 children, 2 beautiful wonderful children that I lovingly carried for 9+ months in my womb, letting them feed off of my body. Kinda like leeches, if I really stop to think about it. In order to show me their gratitude and remind me forever that I had, in fact, carried them, they tore my body up. Apparently, if you gain somewhere around 60 pounds (each time, I might add) and have the same genes as my grandmother, well, kiss your cute little 18 year old body good-bye. Stretch marks, extra skin, yucky boobies, all of that, you will be blessed with. Did I know this? No, because my mother is a mutant, and came through all 3 of her pregnancies with 2, yes 2, itsy bitsy teeny weeny microscopic stretch marks. No extra skin, no boobies down to her belly button, nothing. So I thought, somewhat mistakenly, that my genes would be slightly more similar to hers.

Fast forward to November 2007. After several years of moping about, bitching about what our ~~leeches~~ children had done to my body, husband decided that I had definitely earned some much needed repair. Off to the plastic surgeons office we went. He poked, prodded, lifted, measured and molded until I thought my husband might explode. After all, husband was sitting right there the whole time Mr. Doctor was lifting and all. But he maintained his composure, and even laughed at me standing there in my paper gown and socks, freezing my ass off. Once fully redressed we headed into his office. While waiting for him, we played with the implants that were lying on the table just asking to be squeezed. Just before I could attempt to throw them at husband like a water balloon, Mr. Doctor walked in. We went through before and after photos of other women who had had the same procedures I was interested in and asked and answered questions. No, they won't pop if you throw them like a water balloon, by the way. Full of information and on cloud nine after seeing photographic evidence that we could repair the damage wrought by grandmas genes, we headed into his office managers office, supposedly to go over financing options and what not. That is where they dropped the quote on us. $17,000.00.

$17,000.00! $17,000.00? $17,000.00. Doesn't matter what way you say it, that is beyond an ass load of money. I'm sitting there telling the office manager that it will be awhile before we can come up with that kind of money, even with financing, and husband butts in with, no really, I think that it will happen sooner rather than later. He must still be in awe over the pretty boobies we saw, cause usually he is the frugal one. We get the financing info, the office managers card and tell her we will call once we can come to terms with either the price, or husband forgets just how pretty the boobies were.

For the next week we talk about the cost, both financially and recovery wise, because the work on my tummy would practically incapacitate me for 2 weeks, and leave me very, very whiny for another week or two. Again, husband is adamant that I get this done in the very near future. I decide, well, lets see if getting the financing is even an option. I apply, and lo and behold, they approved us for the full $17,000. WTF? OK, now I'm getting excited. Sure, it means that we'll be a little tighter money wise, but both kids are in school next year, I'll be able to go back to work, which would fix that. So, we decide that spring break 2008 is the perfect time. Kids are out of school, so I don't have to get up to take Ian to school, and Ian would be around to help me with his sister, the dogs, my sweetly worded requests. Plus, that is after tax time. Because we only have one income, plus we have a rental property that is a loss year after year, we always seem to get a tax return. I know that this is an interest free loan to the government, but it also means that we get a surprise at the beginning of each new year. So, we can use some of that to put down on the surgery, to lower the amount financed.

Well, I filed our taxes on Monday. And, the amount we are getting back is ridiculously high. High enough to pay off all but one of our nine credit cards, pay the registration on both vehicles, put back a decent chunk for emergencies and still have a couple hundred to take care of Ian's birthday in February and maybe even have dinner out.

Hmmmm......... Be responsible and debt free, or be selfish with a great rack and flat tummy.

Like I said, responsibility sucks. Once summer hits, I'll be the one by the pool. You'll know it's me by the floppy tummy and saggy boobies.

Shhh, don't tell anyone, but....

2008-01-08T14:25:00.000-08:00

...I'll share one of my resolutions with you guys. I haven't even told my husband this one. Don't you feel special?

I want to run in the PF Changs Rock 'N Roll marathon next January.

Ok, maybe not the full marathon. 26.2 miles, not very likely, at least with the shape I'm in right now. Or the shape I'm out of right now. But 13.1 miles in 4 hours? Maybe. Could be very possible, after all, I have a full year to prepare for it.

Now, as to why I haven't told anyone I don't actually know? I'm not positive I can do this, and I don't want to be laughed at, or pushed towards it. I want it to be me, my decision, and that is easier for now as I train with no pressure. The closer I get to the marathon, the more I will know if it is something that I feel I can accomplish (or not). If I feel I can, then I will tell family and friends. Plus, I know that my blog is not a widely read one, it's more for me than anything else. Makes me feel better, anyways.

Is cliche the right word?

2008-01-02T10:33:00.000-08:00

And, how do you make the little mark over the 'e'? Sometimes I am so computer illiterate, it's embarrassing. But, to my original point, corny, cliche, whatever you want to call it, our family sat down together last night and went over our goals for 2008.

*as an aside, when I say our family, I mean myself, my husband, our kids, my parents, my step dads ex-wife, 1 of my 2 sisters and 2 of my 3 brothers. Cozy, huh?

It was interesting, to say the least. I also think that it was productive. We were able to discuss with other people we trust just what our goals were, and how we thought we would be able to accomplish them, and ask for help with some. For instance, I want to improve my posture. Both my mother and my step dads ex-wife have offered to point out to me when I am slouching, which will help immensely, since slouching is an ingrained habit at this point that I don't recognize unless I am focusing directly on it. Both my husband and I have typed out our goals and framed them to sit on our desk. This way, I think that I won't be able to sit back in December and wonder just what I have accomplished that I had actually intended to accomplish. I'll even share them here, on my blog, although not all of them, some are very personal and I didn't even share them last night.

2008 1 Year Goals

· Family vacation – California or similar
· Be more patient with the kids
· Take more pictures of my family
· Try new recipes, one per week
· Healthy meals 5x per week
· Pay off Ultimate bill – TV
· Don’t touch the ‘keep the change’ account
· Open a Roth IRA
· Take at least 2 college courses
· Renew real estate license – 24 hours by July 31st
· Undergo surgery
· Work on better posture
· Walk every day, at least 15 minutes, more like 45
· Purge the paperwork build-up
· Check and open mail daily – throw away the junk immediately
· Become more organized, less scatterbrained

2008 5 year goals

· Truck paid off
· Surgery paid for
· Revolving debt paid for and unused
· Associates degree finished
· Have a career in mind – more solid
· Honey moon - cruise or Hawaii (both)
· Rental house sold – November 2009

By the way, I won't call them resolutions. These are goals, things for me to work towards, but in no means am I a failure or have I failed if they aren't accomplished in 12 months. Or so I let myself think!

Something happy, for a change.

2007-12-22T13:00:00.000-08:00

**As a side note, December has yet to redeem itself. After flying back from the double funeral in Iowa, which took place a day after a major ice storm that caused the airport to shut down, us to have to drive up from Omaha, and the airline to lose our luggage and then return it to us soaking wet, we received even more bad news. An uncle of mine, only 47, had a heart attack last week Monday. My other grandfather was at the hospital visiting him and collapsed, and later started bleeding from the ears. We're waiting to hear about the CT results. Plus, my dads cat died. December still sucks. But here's something happy and creative from my 7 year old that might make you smile**

Ian, who is almost 8, came home from school the other day, excited as can be (and if you know a 7 year old, that can be REALLY excited) about a class assignment. They had to make up a new Christmas tradition. He then proceeded to tell me about the 'Pickle Present'. Get your mind out of the gutter, please!

You have an ornament shaped like a pickle, and on Christmas day mom or dad have to hide the ornament somewhere in the tree, and the first kid to find the ornament gets the 'pickle present', and extra gift, apparently for having the sharpest eyes, or being able to crush your little sister before she can get the ornament. (a scenario I see as exceedingly likely, given Lexi's size)

He asked if we could make that a tradition, and I replied with, 'only if I am able to find an ornament shaped like a pickle.' Yep, I found a pickle ornament, first time I looked. $3 at Target. People use pickles on a Christmas tree?! Or, is a 'pickle present' really a tradition and I've just been missing out? Either way, Tuesday morning my kids will be hunting for a pickle in a Christmas tree.

I Quit.

2007-12-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

December sucks. I quit. And it doesn't suck for the usual reasons, trying to buy Christmas presents with little cash. No. This December flat out sucks eggs. Last Sunday, December 2, my grandfather flew down to Arizona to spend Christmas with us. He is probably my most favoritest person in the world, I grew up with him, we, along with my grandmother, traveled all over the country during the summers, stuff like that.

He didn't wake up on Tuesday. This Thursday, we will be back in Iowa for his funeral.

Not only that, but last night my great aunt died as well. His sister in law. She is to be buried on one side of my grandma, and he is to be buried on the other.

We are now attending a double funeral.

December sucks.

Did I lie?

2007-11-26T20:16:00.000-08:00

Hmmm..... Think that I had posted something about keeping up with my posting, and not ignoring my blog for weeks on end. Here we are, just over a month since my last post. Oops. I just never seem to find the time, not anymore. There have even been periods of time where the computer has been entirely off, for several days at a time! That's usually unheard of! But I am trying to keep on top of the house, and holidays, and spend time with the kids, yadda yadda yadda. Still, I suppose I could post once in awhile, maybe, possibly.

I just feel so overwhelmed. Maybe it's the season, and I should just get over it.

Oh, man, if only I weren't a stay at home mom!

2007-10-23T18:08:00.000-07:00

I wish I could use these out of office messages. It would make me happy:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.

Quote Me

2007-10-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

I read this from an anonymous confessor on TrueMomConfessions.com. She found it somewhere, and posted it for all us spouses to read. I like it.

'True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly' - Jason Jordan

2 Month Hiatus

2007-10-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a relief. I am still alive.

Computer time is at an all time low, with school having started again for Ian. I volunteer in his class at least 3 times a week, and bring Lex along for the ride. She loves it, but I'm exhausted! Plus, soccer has now started, and I can say, for the first time ever, I am officially a soccer mom! The team mom, to be exact. Much more running around than I had previously thought.

I'm also on my second spring cleaning kick of the year. I know that in most of the country, it is fall, but here in Arizona, we have Spring 1 and 2, and a six month summer. My biological clock has been tricked by these mild(er) temperatures, and has convinced my brain that soon there will be new little birdies and bunnies, and April showers, so my house MUST be cleaned post haste! Stupid biological clock.

Of course, when I did spring cleaning number one, earlier this year, I didn't exactly get everything done before temperatures reached approximately the same as in Hell, so it is somewhat required. You'd think, then, that I would start by cleaning everything I didn't get to earlier this year. Hahahahaha, yeah right! That stuff is waaayyy too dirty at this point, so I'm sticking to stuff that only has 6 months worth of crapola. Those window screens are never gonna get clean. (Although, I did clean the actual windows today. Well, the front three, anyway)

I am going to attempt to blog slightly more that I have over the past 60-odd days, not like that will be too difficult. I'll also have to catch up on my blog reading, since I haven't read any of my favorite blogs for nearly as long as I haven't written. Yeah, I'm really on top of stuff, ain't I?

**Sidenote** Why you have to love kids. While cleaning said front windows, I decided to get out the ladder and wash the window above our front door. The bottom of this window is about 9 feet above the ground, so I have to get out the ladder to do this. I get said ladder out, set it up directly in front of the door, so that I don't have to lean very far. Before going out front (through the garage, I tell both kids, "Hey, don't go out the front door, I'll be up on the ladder." I climb up on the ladder and start washing all the grime off only to have my son open the door and ask, "Hey, mom, what did you say about the front door?" I'll have my response for him after the body cast comes off.

Definitions NOT in the dictionary

2007-08-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growinginthe middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after theyaredead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. and MY Personal Favorite!!

WRINKLES: Something other people have. I have character lines

Watch what you say to your wife!

2007-08-01T18:21:00.001-07:00

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it." Priceless

Yesterday

2007-07-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

I took a break yesterday from painting and all of the house stuff and had the best laugh with my kids. It was raining out here and the kids had been standing in the window watching it come down, and looking at all the massive puddles that were forming, and suddenly, I realized that I had never really taken them out to play in the rain. So out we went, into the light drizzle. The kids ran and jumped and splashed like mad little children, thunder rumbling in the distance, for a good 20 minutes. I stood watch, calling out "Car" every once in awhile.

Then, out of the blue (or grey) (wait, is it grey, or gray?) the heavens opened up and it began to POUR! I had done so well, not getting wet at all, and then this. I was soaked, the kids were soaked, and we were all laughing. I opened the garage, and stood inside while the kids continued to play in the rain. At one point, they were on the ground in the driveway making 'water angels' for a good 10 minutes. After that, they dried off, got dressed and headed for the Legos.

I am so glad that I took a break from the house!

Update

2007-07-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

Still painting the damn house. I'll be a better blogger when I'm done, I promise!

Hope

2007-07-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

I do hope that the person who created wallpaper, especially the 6 inch BORDER paper that does NOT come off, died a horrible death covered in wallpaper paste.

It took me 6 hours to remove the wallpaper border in one bedroom. Not even a huge bedroom, something like 12 x 12 and the equivalent of one wall was not even papered!

Humor on a hot day

2007-06-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" "I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

100 Years Ago...
A lot of this is applicable to our grandparents, and even some of our parents.
It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago...
The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.
Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.
The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
Drive-by-shootings, in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy, were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.
Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn't been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine's foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide, which was thought to diminish sexual desire,into the woman's drinking water.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.
Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.
Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.
Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.

BTW

2007-06-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

My summer posting, not going to happen so much this year. See, this new house has a pool. That means that we can spend HOURS swimming, and I don't have to pack anything up, or drive anywhere, or deal with anyone else's kids unless I invite them over. One kid can play in the sandbox while the other swims, and if one of the kids happens to be taking a nap, I can take the other outside to swim, and have no noise in the house to wake her/him up. This is frickin' awesome!

Now, to go wash all the pool towels that have accumulated before we swim again!

I think I have become addicted!

2007-05-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

I found a new website, and I think that I may beed a 12 step program. It's www.truemomconfessions.com and it is.... interesting, to put it mildly. I wonder how many moms that I know are posting some of these confessions?

Unfortunate Typos

2007-05-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainmentand gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

I'm still alive!

2007-04-16T19:49:00.000-07:00

I mean that in 2 ways. First, haven't blogged for awhile. Sorry. My dad was headed out this way to visit for a week, and because our history isn't the best, it caused me some serious stress. I spent at least 10 days trying to get the house ready. I overhauled the garage, our desk, both the back and front yards, everything. I even rented a commercial carpet cleaner and attacked the carpets 36 hours before he was scheduled to arrive. Last week, he arrived. It was an...experience. He left today, which leads me to number two: I'm still alive. I made it through his visit, without killing either of us. At times it was a near run thing, but when it really got to me, I hopped on my bike and logged some miles. It was even more stressful for me since he was staying at our house. We don't have a guest bedroom (for that reason!) so our 7 year old had to give up his room and sleep on the couch, which sucked for keeping school bedtimes. Our morning schedules were very difficult to keep, but the kids did awesome. The other (other) part was that dad didn't want to sit around the house. I understand that and all, but he is the one who was on vacation, not us. He had his vehicle, and he did go around without us, but I still felt like I needed to keep him entertained. It really didn't matter what I did, though, as he complained about everything. Ah, well, as I said, at least I survived! Now back to putting my house back into the spectacular shape it was in Tuesday night of last week!

What was I thinking?!

2007-03-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my mind just, well, boggles itself. I've been doing all the healthy eating, exercising crapola (I usually sound happier about it, just not today!) and I have to say that its been going well. I'm down about 19 pounds, and wearing clothes that have not fit for quite awhile. I have almost hit my target weight, and seemed to have plateaued, so my oh-so-brilliant mind came up with something guaranteed to help launch me off the plateau.

Brain: Well, now, body, since we've gotten you up to 2.5 miles on the treadmill, running parts of it even, I think you are ready for a new challenge.

Body: Well, maybe, since the treadmill is starting to get kind of boring. What did you have in mind? Ha ha, Brain, get it? Mind?

Brain: Very...Funny, Body. I think that you should hop up on that bicycle of yours that is just sitting there in the garage and go for a ride tonight.

Body: But what about the kids? Lex can't keep up, and Ian isn't exactly the king of watching where he is going?

Brain: I've got it all figured out. Your brother will watch the kids for $5, and he'll even ride his bike over so you don't have to take him home.

Body: But where am I going to ride? Brain: Ride over to your aunts condo; your mom is there painting, and then you can have a nice break in the middle of your ride. Its perfect!

Bod: Great idea!

Famous last words. Apparently my brain forgot to tell my body that it was 2.5 miles to the condo, which meant 2.5 miles back to the house. Did I mention that the last time I really rode a bike, I was 15? That's 11 years ago, give or take a few months! I was so not prepared for it! I do have to say, though, that I made it, and surprisingly enough, today my legs don't hurt at all. My rear end, however, is another story.

Rear End: Brain, I effing hate you!

Proper Etiquette for the Summer

2007-03-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

In honor of our record-breaking temperatures, I give you this. (Yes, I know you've probably already read it before, and I don't care. Now you're reading it from me!)

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes (even if I have hobbit feet)

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally...

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other Sisters. May God Bless your Soles as well as your Soul!

I think I have become my mother!

2007-03-15T22:20:00.000-07:00

Really. It must be genetic (duh!). I spent today spring cleaning. And not just spring cleaning, but even a few hours today planning and purchasing items for spring cleaning! So far today, after hitting up Ikea and Target (plus a stop at Dairy Queen for the spring breakers) I have managed to totally organize/clean both pantries, I organized the cabinet under the kitchen sink (chemicals, vases and trash bags now, misc before) and I have practically re-boxed everything from our closet. All that stuff went from miscellaneous brown and shoe boxes to these pretty red, white and gray striped boxes from Ikea. Man, I love that store! I still have a ton of organizing to do in there, and I ran out of boxes, so another trip to Ikea, but I think I've made a very bizarre start! I guess for me what is so odd about the whole spring cleaning is that I usually begin in the fall, and finish around winter. Why the off schedule? Like I said, must be genetic! I'll have to post some pictures if I ever finish!

Silly Kid-isms

2007-03-06T19:56:00.000-08:00

The Middle Wife

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome to.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh, oh!' " Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.' They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there." Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Reality of a Budget

2007-02-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

So, as I had posted before, last week my fortune cookie blasted me about making a budget and sticking to it. Nosy cookie. But I had to laugh, because the reality is, I'm a pretty damn frugal person. We rarely eat out anymore; even last weeks Chinese was paid for by my mother as a thanks for helping us. We only bought our new house because we walked into it with $30,000 in automatic equity and we could rent our previous house out for $300 more a month than our mortgage payment. My truck that hubby got me last year for our anniversary? Almost $10,000 under price because it was a dealer buy back. Plus, I "rent" it out to people who need hauling done, along with my muscle, with some months manages to at least bring in the payment, plus gas expenses. My favorite buy, most recently, though, was this weekend.
When we bought this new house back in October, it did not have a refrigerator. We left our fridge in our previous house because we could get more for rent in a house with all the appliances. We have been borrowing a friends 'garage fridge' for the last 4 months, and while it has worked and was free, it was little, and our friend was starting to need it back. I came across the fridge that I have been looking at for the last year, a stainless-steel-freezer-on-bottom-dual-door-fridge in the scratch and dent section of an appliance store. 60% off. I looked and looked and looked some more, and the ONLY issue was a small (1 inch) scratch on the freezer door handle. I brought hubby back a couple hours later to take a look and see if he could find anything else wrong with it, but nope, that was it. We had been planning to buy a fridge like this mid-summer or so, but with the discount, we grabbed it right then, and voila, it was delivered yesterday morning. I am sooo in love with it. I don't have to stoop anymore to look for items in the fridge, no more buying or making ice, as there is a built in ice maker. Filtered water on the door means my kids can help themselves without drinking all my water bottles. Plus, the best part? Since we had budgeted the full amount, I now have the balance to buy a dishwasher, mid-summer, and it is not going to run us anything more than we had already planned on spending this year! I love finding deals like this!

Are they trying to tell me something?

2007-02-22T07:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I was so tired after spending the day at my parents condo doing remodel work, so I took the kids for Chinese for dinner. Yum! However, we get to our fortune cookies, and you wouldn't believe what mine said. Wait for it...

ADJUST FINANCES-MAKE BUDGETS TO IMPROVE YOUR FINANCIAL STANDING.

I just got told by a cookie :p