In Arizona...

*the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
*the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
*farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
*the cows are giving evaporated milk.
*the trees are whistling for the dogs.
*you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
*you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
*the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
*you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
*you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
*you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
*The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
*you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
*hot water now comes out of both taps.
*you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
*you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
*no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
*your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
*you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
*a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."
*You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
*You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over 100 degrees.
*You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
*You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
*You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
*You can make sun tea instantly.
*You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
*You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
*You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
*You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
*You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
*You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
*The reporters, trying to prove a point, actually BURN the egg they're cooking on the sidewalk.
*Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
*You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and "Tlaquepaque".
*It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
*You give up on the idea of washing your car until October, because the dust storms will just get it dirty again anyway.
*You know what a dust devil is.
*Umbrellas are not for rain. In fact, they aren't waterproof.
*Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less the 30spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
*You know the real name of the Phoenix daily newspapers (Repugnant & Gazoo).
*Some fool can market minimisters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them.
*Eight Scottish bagpipers from Canada, dressed in full regalia, pass out from heat prostration in February.
*A parade for the Phoenix Suns is held at 12:00 noon in June and 500,000 people turn out in 110 degree weather.
*Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
*A main form of recreation for teenagers is ice blocking down hills.
*Convertibles are not a status symbol. They are a sign of blind vanity.
*You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
*You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."